Mark’s stage banter

I feel we need a discussion on Mark’s in-between song stage banter; what is your favourite funny one liner or put down? This could be from one of his live albums or something you actually witnessed (or were subjected to) at a gig...

A lot of people have taken offence over the years but I personally think that Mark’s comedy delivery and timing takes some beating.

A couple that stand out for me are “sorry if there’s reverb it’s a f&@£ing church!” on The Kids, Live in London. Also his taking the rise out of the stage lighting people “these lights are blowing my mind” “they just changed the colour to make it look as though something is happening on stage” Lost Verses Live.


  • So I spent all yesterday hanging out by myself. Went out last night by myself. Spent today by myself. It's alright, I spend a lotta time by myself, when I do this solo tour stuff, that's alright I get used to it.

    (Fan asks which hotel he's in)

    I don't know, I don't know the names of these places, I don't know the name of the hotel I'm at. I just walked around the park, went to the Seven Eleven, ate some nuts or somethin. I don't fuckin know! Bored out of my fuckin mind!

  • "You're allowed to sit on the stage cos you're a girl. If you were a guy, I'd kick you off the stage. If you're a guy and you ask me when's my record coming out on vinyl, I'll kick the shit out of you. If you're a girl, I'll talk to you for an hour about it"

  • Classic Koz from 'Live at Victoria':

    "Whats the candy wrapper thing going on, whats happening? The cellophane, what is it, tobacco or something? I'm just askin a question! What is it, the cellophane thing, what is it?"

    Fan: "Chocolate"

    Koz: "Chocolate? Fuck! You guys got it easy, just show up and just fuckin sit there and eat fuckin chocolate. (Mocking voice) 'Just eatin chocolate man!' You got it easy

    Fan: "You want some?"

    Koz: "No I don't want any chocolate. I got a fuckin job to do here. You don't learn how to do what I do right now by sittin round eatin fuckin chocolate"

  • Posts: 961

    Onc time (in band camp) when he was touring with Phil Carney to the tune of Micheal he started singing "Phil...where the hell are you?" and afterwards I spoke to Mark afterwards about his next release and he snarked "It'll be called Tiny Cities 2"

    Posts: 555

    Not sure if ‘dude fix your face’ is actually stage banter but still funny nonetheless!

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